Dear Liam…

Today is mother’s day. I woke up with tears of pain after you pushed the jar that dropped on my head. It was not your fault… But that jar really woke me up. 🙂

It made me realize how time flies so so fast. It felt like yesterday when you were still in my dreams–blurred dreams that never revealed your face. And today, you were right beside me, pulling me out of my dream.

There were times when I feel lonely and guilty for working days and sleeping through nights away from you. I want to sing more lullabies for you before you get to know Justin Bieber. I want to spend more play time with you. I want to be that person proudly strolling around the neighborhood everyday with you.

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But anak, I have found myself wanting for so much more when you arrived. I have never planned so much until you came.

I want to leave you in a place that’s better than where I grew up. I want you to grow up living the kind of culture that amazes the rest of the world. I want you to go to places around the globe and know that there is a wonderful home you can return to. I want you to learn the most important values from the best leaders that your Tatay and I will choose today.

It will not be easy, my dear. It wasn’t easy.

I had to brave people calling me crazy, idiot, hypocrite, stupid, dumb, cheap, and all.

I had to spend days and nights not seeing your smile, not hearing your honest laughs.

I had to take smaller roles, bigger sacrifices, thankless tasks.

I had to work with good men who may not remember your parents and I had to witness them being hated by my own friends.

But anak, know that in this life, nothing great ever comes easy. Hardships are all that can tell you you’re doing something great.

I am honestly not certain of what tomorrow may bring. It might break my heart but it won’t be the end of my fight for your better future. Yes, there is fear.

But anak, know that fear only tells us we’re doing something really brave. And that love is always stronger than fear.  My love for you gives me so many reasons to not give up.

Thank you for being the bountiful source of inspiration that I need. I have never cheated for you. I have chosen to be the better person whenever faced against the bullies because of you. Someday, I want you to be proud that your parents stood up for what they know is right.

Today, I stared at your bright face and there’s nothing but innocence. At this point, when I’m faced with so much hate and unfair judgment, I guess your face is all I need to rediscover peace.

Thank you for the gift of peace. Thank you for making me a stronger and a better person. If there’s one thing I could ask for mother’s day, it’s that I wish you will always have the freedom I enjoy today so that you may wake up one day (no need for another jar) with your dreams within arm’s reach. And when you enjoy this freedom, know that it came with a price. Know that your parents paid for it.

Liam, when we get old, we may only know of things out of date, we may not be the best persons to ask about trends, and you may know better. But remember that choosing what is right will never run out of style.

You deserve only the best, anak. But in search for the best, do not forget about being good.

I may not always be with you but you are always always in my heart.

I will forever be grateful for having you. Thanks to you and your Tatay for making me a mom.

I love you!

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Thank you for the kisses today. 🙂

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